5 Ways To Avoid Being A Spring Fling


Taking a lot of cold showers these days.

Less snow on the ground and less layers between you and the opposite sex. This is great if you’re ready to trade cabin fever with Spring fever. But if you want to avoid high temperature situations like me then I suggest that you follow these preventative measures.

Um you gonna eat that?

1. Set Day Dates

There isn’t a song about freaks coming out around noon for a reason. Slam down steamy thoughts with a cold salami sandwich, a Cobb salad or cupcakes!

2. Never Go Back To Their Place

If your date is a Machiavellian mastermind or a hipster they may use the excuse that they have this awesome antique record player that you MUST check out. Feign ignorance on what a record player is this will either turn them off or distract them long enough for you to duck into a cab.

3. Steal Chewbacca’s Look

Don’t shave anywhere. Whenever you feel tempted to undress and get into some mess simply touch what used to be your calf but now feels like a vacation home in the forest for a small family of garden gnomes. This may not work for guys that live in Brooklyn or near me. I and many others may feel the need to explore the hairy terrain that is your face and chest.


See if we were sipping on lattes his shirt would be on.

4. Say No To Cocktails And Yes To Coffee

Two words. Coffee. Breath. This will only allow for a quick peck even with Altoids. And if you’re anything like me and guzzle black gold all day erry-day then you’ll most likely want to run home and clean in a caffeinated frenzy.

5. Say It To Avoid Spreading It

Talk on the phone rather than text, email or Snapchat. I’ve started calling my dates more in order to get to know them in the comfort of my own bed. Also sarcasm doesn’t translate well via text. This will in turn allow them to get to know you better. Perhaps move you from the category of Warm Weather Hook-up to Rainy Day Cuddle Buddy.

But hey if you prefer to give in to the Spring fever then more power to you. Have enough fun for the both of us!

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